Besmehi Taala
انا لله و انا اليه راجعون
Dear all salam, this is actually what I was hoping to see. People read each others writing and respond to it. For me it is more important that hamrahs argue with each other than just keep quiet and not talk about anything. Before I go on I think I should thank my dear Ahmadreza to come out and speak on my behalf. It is not amazing at all to read these sentences he wrote to clarify what I meant to say since he is very close to me because we have been in close contact with each other, virtually living together, ever since he was born.
Yes I know and I strongly believe انا لله و انا الیه راجعون I also strongly believe God is merciful, and I believe in all other اسماء اعظم of God all of which carry a strong meaning with them. But I am, as Ahmadreza says so honestly, scared. Why should not I be scared when Imam Ali (AS) says in doaa Komail, “oh God would you let the face of those who have put their faces on the soil to pray you feel the fire of hell” or many other verses of this doaa which shows how much Imam Ali (AS) is “در مقابل خداوند متعال خائف است" ” can I not be scared? Read "صحيفه سجاديه" and then tell me you are anxiously waiting to die. Do we have any doubt that our beloved Imams are going to enjoy the company of God? If we know I, so why do they say these things? All of us have heard the what Imam Ali (AS) with Hazrateh Zahra (AS) and Imam Hassan (AS) and Imam Hossein (AS) did in Ramadan, and we are all followers of them. What did they do in their EFTAR time for three consecutive nights? I don’t know about you but I know myself very well and I am not ashamed of saying this, (of course I am ashamed of myself), every day and night I do lots of things that are not in line with what they did. Do you want an example? Here is one. The car I am driving has a big trunk, and thank God lost of goodies can find their place in there. When I go to buy fruit, I almost fill one fourth of this trunk. And you know what, I am not saying I do not give a damn about those who do not have enough money to eat even one apple in whole one month, and there are lots of them, but I really don’t think about them much. This goes on with meat, chicken, pizzas, …. And anything you might think of, as a matter of fact right now I am enjoying a company of a bowl of fresh strawberry while writing these sentences.
Frankly I can’t help it I am a food lover, and a fruit lover, but don’t rush to make a conclusion, I also think about those poor people, but i normally think about them when I cannot continue eating. Yes I am running with my head down, because if I keep my head up and keep my eyes open I see, and if I see then I will be responsible. I am brave enough to admit it and admit I am so weak I have not been able to change my habit a bit after 58 years. God knows I am scared. I always pray God and wish I would never die. I am scared and I know when I die, no one will care much for long, because I have seen what people talk about at the mosque when they come to pay final respect to me being dead. Oh boy I am shaking and shaking bad. And I am sure I have to answer for my ignorance and I do not have much to say.